You have to admit there are so many hang-ups about having great sex. For women so many things come into play - your upbringing, religious beliefs, the ex-husband, the children, what will people think, what if someone saw us, we’re committing a sin - all these and a whole stack more interfere with keeping the sparkle going in a relationship. This also has a lot to do with age and experience.

Let’s get the age thing out of the way first. Sex is really cool when you’re 18, you spend 24/7 on MixIt, sending messages back and forth; it’s cyber foreplay. Then finally a date is set and you meet. The guy prepares himself for the date by having a bath (the first in 10 days), an hour greasing and spiking the hair, and dropping the jeans to just above the knees. He is now ready. He does a check of his condoms and waddles off to the date looking a lot like a parrot with a hemorrhoid attack.

Then the ‘intimacy’ begins. They meet at a club where nobody speaks. After 8 hours of gyrating, downing shooters without any conversation, they leave together if they haven’t found anyone else to go with in the meantime. They disappear into the night on their voyage of discovery. How do they feel about each other? Who the hell cares.

On the way to the car park they start embracing and exploring each others bodies; he bends her backwards against the alleyway wall, his shaking hands explore her quivering body, he kisses her neck, she responds, he is overcome with an animal passion that drives him uncontrollably. He penetrates her. She gasps for breath with a muffled scream as he pins her trembling body against the wall. Before you know it’s over, which is known to happen when you’re 18.

Exhausted, they both slide down the wall. Was there time to use a condom – who knows? And guess what? The chances are he doesn’t even know her real name.

Now, you might be condemning these two youngsters, but the one thing you have to admit is – it was free, irresponsible and uncomplicated – it was sharing an intimate moment regardless of consequence. ‘Matilda, did you just hear what he said?’ ‘Harriet get the girls together, we ought to do something!’ Oh boy I can just see some of you ladies with pens, cardboard and tape preparing the banners for tomorrow’s protest march. You’re gathering in your hundreds, organizing a lynch party in my honour.

Let’s get real here, you may not approve of our young couple on spiritual, religious, or social grounds, you may also not approve of the alleyway as the romantic setting, but maybe, just maybe, some of you felt, a small twinge of YES run through your body – a forbidden arousal, but nevertheless an arousal. I would prefer to call it a natural acceptance of a situation that without intellectual analysis, felt really good to our two young people.

The human race out there experiences a multitude of hang-ups, a large percentage being of a sexual nature. People are either having good sex, bad sex, or no sex. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not attempting to sound like Dr Phil - having sex is one thing but having boring sex is the absolute pits, so if you’re a lifetime member of the ‘roll-on-roll-off’ club – the only person you have to blame is yourself –and perhaps you’re partner.

Take our young alleyway lovers, they were swept away by the moment, the burning excitement of exploiting (no typo) each others’ bodies at that moment – it is after midnight and they just happen to be getting it off in an alleyway where at any moment they could be discovered – did they care? No way, it was horny and added to the fun. Ask yourself when last you did something as daring as that…

Would your life partner buy into a situation like that it if the moment was right?

Let’s face it, wild sex in a whacky place can be a huge turn-on for consenting couples and you will be surprised what it can do for your relationship. I am not suggesting that you start humping in your local 711 or chase each other naked down 5th Ave, just get a little creative – live out a couple of fantasies but keep it legal. Two people thinking along the same lines can be dynamite.

Oh, by the way, with age comes experience - it will be much more beneficial to your relationship if you are able to get whacky with your life partner and not some one-night-stand – chasing a hooker around the harbour at 1.00am with a six pack of Buds - is not going to do it. This will only cause guilt, a broken relationship, a sprained ankle and let’s not forget HIV/AIDS. Rather invest in spicing up your love life at home; then you will not need to seek excitement elsewhere.